Third times a charm.

After my last two times in China, I wasn't sure if I was going to go back or not. The time came around the next year for missions leaders to come forward and request certain places and be assigned... I missed those dates... and then missions emphasis week came up, which is the week that most people sign up for trips that they want to go on. I went to the big extravaganza and looked at all the trips and they all looked so cool.  This school really goes all over the world... Europe, Asia, Africa, South America... everywhere... So it is hard to choose what you want and where you want to go... That is where I made my second mistake. (My first mistake in my eyes in not becoming a leader. I truly feel God had called me to be one, I think it just makes me nervous because I have so much to learn... but He'll use that... I know...)

My second mistake was I stopped thinking about what the Lord wanted from me and I began thinking in 'me' terms. 'How will this benefit me?' 'What do I want?'  It is NOT about me. N-O-T. It is so hard to think that something isn't about you, especially when you live in a society that tells you daily that it is all about you... With 'i'tunes and 'my'space and 'i'pods... Maybe I am looking too deeply into those things, but it is undeniable that Americans are self-centered.  That is who I became. I recognized myself being an idiot and began to pray about what the Lord wanted. Apparently my work wasn't done in China (and I am still convinced that it probably is not).  The only place that felt right, was China. Everything else became a blur and China was on a huge billboard in my mind.  So I signed up and got on the team.

To my surprised, my fiance signed up and got on the team as well.  This is something that truly helped me in the long run.  Previous trips, when she was just my girlfriend, I think I worried a lot more. She was in the US and I was in China... I couldn't talk to her, it would stress me out... I missed her a lot. It affected me, although I didn't want it to.  So she came, and it was great. Luckily, I am able to be in the same room with her without touching her and I am completely satisfied.  It was good to have her there. I had a lot less to worry about (I actually had NO worries at all) and I was able to focus in on what I was truly there to do. Serve the people in China and show them Christ's love through my words and actions.   

God really used our team a lot on this trip.  In three years I saw China grow so much and it is SO good to see. God is doing some incredible things in that country and I feel privileged to have been a small part of it. Whether it be through 'teaching English' or having bible studies or one on one times... God was there and apparent. I was even able to follow up with people I had met the year before and it was SUCH a blessing.  After leaving this time, I really had a huge burden on my heart for doing missions work... and God had a lot of other plans in store for me that I had no clue were coming.  Then the questions began pouring in for me... Who am I? What am I all about? What am I going to do with my life? Where is the Lord going to use me and take me next?  Oh Lord, give me eyes to see what it is you want from me...

fin.

Until the nets are full,

JFW