Since my last time in China I have been seriously considering missions work full time. I have looked briefly into a couple of different organizations, but I haven't gotten too deeply into it. There were times when I seriously thought about working where I am working now (Chick-fil-A) as a full time job. I have now come to the realization that it is, without a doubt, NOT what I want with my life. This is something I didn't realize until after my fourth missions trip, the one that verified to me that God wants to do something unique with my life. I know that many people wont understand the feeling I have inside my heart, but it is a fiery passion burning inside of me to do work for the Lord.
Everyone I know was kind of surprised when I said I wasn't going back to China this year and that I had decided to take another route. I have always had a passion for Europe, and Germany in specific... Germany mostly because I have heard so much about it through my uncle, who has been a missionary there my entire life. I felt God calling me to go there... and I felt it strong.
I signed up to be a leader with a friend of mine, and we had the awesome pleasure of leading the team. During the training and meeting processes, her and I had many difficulties with the team and how we felt things were going. We felt like, a lot of the time, some people on the team were really only going on the trip to have a nice Spring Break vacation. That broke both of our hearts... but we continued as normal... of coarse we addressed the issues of vacationing and made sure everyone knew that it was a missions trip, not a vacation. It was so hard on me and my co-leader whenever anyone would talk about the things they wanted to do for fun, instead of for ministry... (they never talked about ministry, no matter how much we tried to talk about it.) I was getting very frustrated as a leader, because for the most part I felt like no one listened to anything I had to say, and I felt like no one respected me at all. I am not saying that personally I have not or did not mess up every once in a while on the trip, in my life, but I am a person who is quick to apologize for my mistakes... I try my hardest to lead by example.
So we got to Germany and right away we got to start working in a church doing service stuff... cleaning up a downstairs area completely... pulling down some walls, putting up new walls... painting, building sanding... we did a great amount of work for the week we were there, and the finished product looked completely awesome. Everyone on the team pulled their own weight for the most part, although there was a lot of complaining from some people on the team about receiving free time. I tried to make it clear to them that we weren't there for ourselves, but it really never sank in. That really got to me.
Every night, except for Wednesday night, we led a youth group with a bunch of high school aged students... it really was an awesome time having the opportunity to lead worship, bible studies and spend quality time with the students we met there.
Some people on my team really had a good time doing the opposite of what we were there to do. Saying things to the students that were more damaging than good... not acting in a way a good Christian person should act... really showing through their actions, and a lot of times through words, that they weren't there for the mission... they were there for themselves. It broke my heart.
Although we had done a lot of good work and met a lot of great people and possibly help someone grow closer to the Lord, I had felt like I had failed the team as a leader. God quickly let me know that we did do a lot of good, and to not think for a second that He is not going to use what we did. God is in control, not us.
fin. (Final;End)
Until the nets are full,
JFW
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