Hard to keep the focus...

Sorry... its been a few days since I have said anything! I can tell that I have kept you on the edge of your seats. It's just been a crazy past few days, so I haven't wanted to write and/or there just has been NO time.  It is funny how one minute you can be so passionate about doing something, and then all of a sudden you put it off and don't feel like doing it.  This is a regular part of my life.  

This brings me to my missional focus in my life.  I am very focused on wanting to be a missionary full time for the rest of my life.  After going to Germany and coming back, God has shown me so much and taught me so much about myself and other people.  He taught me about leadership, service and how to love in different ways.  These are all things that I do not want to EVER lose sight of... things that if I can focus on them, it will truly shape me into a better man for the ret of my life.

Getting back to the states, back into the swing of things, can be so hard to do.  For those of you who have ever done missions work, or been on a short term missions trip, you know that sometimes the biggest culture shock is coming back to the states and seeing how we have it or how we are in comparison with other countries.  Life here is so different from other places... which makes sense.  I find that some people come back to the states with a bitter heart against America and Americans, which I am probably guilty of plenty... but that is NOT the approach to take, and I have learned that over time. But my focus for this blog is not on culture shock, it is on focus, procrastination and commitment. 

Focus because, it is so hard to focus sometimes on the things that really matter in life, even those things that may actually be most important to you.  Finding quiet time with the Lord is sometimes the hardest thing to do as a student on this campus... at least for me sometimes.  Trying to keep up that awesome one on one time with God that I had while overseas... thats what I want and that is what I am striving for.

Procrastination.  If you know what the word means, then I really don't need to say anything.  Trying to fit God into your schedule later... ok, 10 minutes... ok, after lunch... oh man, is it really 7 pm already? Ok, I'll do it in an hour. You wake up the next day and you are like, 'WHOA, where did my day go? I didn't even spend time in the word!'... and that becomes routine. I think procrastination is really one of the subtle works of the devil. I know that sounds corny or dorky, but it is so true.

And the there is commitment. Truly committing your whole self to something is so hard to do. I plan on doing this in 9 months by getting married to my beautiful Angel, Lee Ruth.  I normally don't have any problem committing myself to her, so what happens to committing my time to the Lord? When am I giving myself to God to let Him use me?  

It just gets so tough. I want to keep that same heart, that same passion I have while I am doing missions work.  Lord God, please don't let that fire burn out, but only ignite it more, so that my fire will burn into other peoples lives.

Until the Nets are Full,

JFW

'Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.' Romans 12:1-2

Oh Glaucus.

So the past few days have been quite interesting.  I just found out the other night that a guy I know has cancer. Im not too sure how severe it is, but it is something that needs prayer for sure.  I have a good friend, Kyle, who recently fought cancer and one. He's a funny guy. He is also a very God-centered man. Awesome to see now-a-days, especially in guys around my age range (18-25)... I am excited to see how God is going to work in this situation, and I hope through it all, they trust in Him completely.  

Yesterday I was talking to my good friend, Bethany and she was talking about this weird sea slug thing. Keep in mind, she is a Marine Biology major.  So she was telling me 

about how she found one and it was washed up on shore, but still alive and her and a friend saved it and it laid eggs.. She was so excited, and I was like... well, its a slug, right?  Well, technically it is called a Glaucus Atlanticus.  She sent me the spelling on my facebook and I looked it up. WOW. What an intriguing looking creature. It is a sign, to me, that God is not only awesome, but creative.  It looks like some creative mythical creature... (See the picture).  How awesome is that? I just thought it was blog worthy information.  Now you can look and see that God is awesome to create such things.  Thats all for now. God Bless you.

Until the nets are full,  

JFW

I love Milka...

Thats it. I love it. Milka... It is in Europe... not here. Sad day.

It is like heaven to your taste buds.

JFW

Goodbye choir.

For those of you who don't know, I have been a singer my entire life. I have been in many different choirs that have been all over the country singing.  Currently I am in the University Concert Choir, not for requirement, but for a luxury more-so.  

Right now certain situations have arisen that have made it hard for me to stay in the choir. It was an extremely hard decision, because I adore singing and being in the choir.  Tonight is my last concert with the choir and then I am withdrawing from the class. It really hurts me a lot to do this.  The choir is going on tour in the summer to New York and stuff... I wish I could be there.  But sometimes life happens and you have to react accordingly.  It sucks to make the hard decisions, but those decisions will shape your future. I just hope that I am in a choir as good as this one again at some point in my life. I do not want to give up singing... it is a huge passion in my life. Thats all.. 

Until the nets are full,

JFW

Making it count.

Since my last time in China I have been seriously considering missions work full time.  I have looked briefly into a couple of different organizations, but I haven't gotten too deeply into it. There were times when I seriously thought about working where I am working now (Chick-fil-A) as a full time job.  I have now come to the realization that it is, without a doubt, NOT what I want with my life.  This is something I didn't realize until after my fourth missions trip, the one that verified to me that God wants to do something unique with my life.  I know that many people wont understand the feeling I have inside my heart, but it is a fiery passion burning inside of me to do work for the Lord. 

Everyone I know was kind of surprised when I said I wasn't going back to China this year and that I had decided to take another route.  I have always had a passion for Europe, and Germany in specific... Germany mostly because I have heard so much about it through my uncle, who has been a missionary there my entire life.  I felt God calling me to go there... and I felt it strong.  

I signed up to be a leader with a friend of mine, and we had the awesome pleasure of leading the team.  During the training and meeting processes, her and I had many difficulties with the team and how we felt things were going.  We felt like, a lot of the time, some people on the team were really only going on the trip to have a nice Spring Break vacation.  That broke both of our hearts... but we continued as normal... of coarse we addressed the issues of vacationing and made sure everyone knew that it was a missions trip, not a vacation.  It was so hard on me and my co-leader whenever anyone would talk about the things they wanted to do for fun, instead of for ministry... (they never talked about ministry, no matter how much we tried to talk about it.)  I was getting very frustrated as a leader, because for the most part I felt like no one listened to anything I had to say, and I felt like no one respected me at all. I am not saying that personally I have not or did not mess up every once in a while on the trip, in my life, but I am a person who is quick to apologize for my mistakes... I try my hardest to lead by example.  

So we got to Germany and right away we got to start working in a church doing service stuff... cleaning up a downstairs area completely... pulling down some walls, putting up new walls... painting, building sanding... we did a great amount of work for the week we were there, and the finished product looked completely awesome.  Everyone on the team pulled their own weight for the most part, although there was a lot of complaining from some people on the team about receiving free time. I tried to make it clear to them that we weren't there for ourselves, but it really never sank in.  That really got to me. 

Every night, except for Wednesday night, we led a youth group with a bunch of high school aged students... it really was an awesome time having the opportunity to lead worship, bible studies and spend quality time with the students we met there.  

Some people on my team really had a good time doing the opposite of what we were there to do.  Saying things to the students that were more damaging than good... not acting in a way a good Christian person should act... really showing through their actions, and a lot of times through words, that they weren't there for the mission... they were there for themselves. It broke my heart.

Although we had done a lot of good work and met a lot of great people and possibly help someone grow closer to the Lord, I had felt like I had failed the team as a leader.  God quickly let me know that we did do a lot of good, and to not think for a second that He is not going to use what we did.  God is in control, not us.  

fin. (Final;End)

Until the nets are full,

JFW

Third times a charm.

After my last two times in China, I wasn't sure if I was going to go back or not. The time came around the next year for missions leaders to come forward and request certain places and be assigned... I missed those dates... and then missions emphasis week came up, which is the week that most people sign up for trips that they want to go on. I went to the big extravaganza and looked at all the trips and they all looked so cool.  This school really goes all over the world... Europe, Asia, Africa, South America... everywhere... So it is hard to choose what you want and where you want to go... That is where I made my second mistake. (My first mistake in my eyes in not becoming a leader. I truly feel God had called me to be one, I think it just makes me nervous because I have so much to learn... but He'll use that... I know...)

My second mistake was I stopped thinking about what the Lord wanted from me and I began thinking in 'me' terms. 'How will this benefit me?' 'What do I want?'  It is NOT about me. N-O-T. It is so hard to think that something isn't about you, especially when you live in a society that tells you daily that it is all about you... With 'i'tunes and 'my'space and 'i'pods... Maybe I am looking too deeply into those things, but it is undeniable that Americans are self-centered.  That is who I became. I recognized myself being an idiot and began to pray about what the Lord wanted. Apparently my work wasn't done in China (and I am still convinced that it probably is not).  The only place that felt right, was China. Everything else became a blur and China was on a huge billboard in my mind.  So I signed up and got on the team.

To my surprised, my fiance signed up and got on the team as well.  This is something that truly helped me in the long run.  Previous trips, when she was just my girlfriend, I think I worried a lot more. She was in the US and I was in China... I couldn't talk to her, it would stress me out... I missed her a lot. It affected me, although I didn't want it to.  So she came, and it was great. Luckily, I am able to be in the same room with her without touching her and I am completely satisfied.  It was good to have her there. I had a lot less to worry about (I actually had NO worries at all) and I was able to focus in on what I was truly there to do. Serve the people in China and show them Christ's love through my words and actions.   

God really used our team a lot on this trip.  In three years I saw China grow so much and it is SO good to see. God is doing some incredible things in that country and I feel privileged to have been a small part of it. Whether it be through 'teaching English' or having bible studies or one on one times... God was there and apparent. I was even able to follow up with people I had met the year before and it was SUCH a blessing.  After leaving this time, I really had a huge burden on my heart for doing missions work... and God had a lot of other plans in store for me that I had no clue were coming.  Then the questions began pouring in for me... Who am I? What am I all about? What am I going to do with my life? Where is the Lord going to use me and take me next?  Oh Lord, give me eyes to see what it is you want from me...

fin.

Until the nets are full,

JFW

Second time around..

In my last blog I talked about who I am a little and kind of how I got involved with my first missions trip.  It is a long one, so Im not sure if anyone will actually read it or not.  There is so much more I could write, but I try to limit it for the readers sake (not that there are any readers yet).  So yeah, I went to China to do missions work back in May of 2005 and it really was a life changing experience.  I came back from that trip motivated and changed.  

But how much was I really changed? Was I merely changed for a few weeks/months?  Did my heart truly go through a transformation?  These are questions I wrestled with when I got back to the states.  One this I knew for sure though; I love China and her people, and I wanted to do nothing less than to go over there and show them Christ's love through my actions.  I tell people I have always had a passion for Europe and Asia, and it is so true... something deep inside of me has always yearned for those countries...  

The next year at school I decided to become a leader on a missions trip, and I only wanted to go back to China.  So, I became a leader(this is one of my first times really being a leader in this extent, so it was a learning experience for me).  Me and my co-leader chose a team of 7 (smaller than the last one) and we did all of our team training and stuff. This time it felt really weird for me. It was a new, totally different group of people I went with this time... and my biggest struggle with this team was trying not to compare them to the team before them.  

We went to China and it was a very stressful time for me. I, at many times, felt very alone. Everyone on the team was very different from me and I felt like an outcast most of the time.  Most of the time I felt as though no one respected me as a leader or a person. It was really hard for me to be there at times, and I even remember crying myself to sleep at night because I felt like a failure.  In some ways this was an eye opener for me. I was able to see my own weaknesses and work on them.  The Lord also made me realize that the trip was really not about me at all and it was about the service I could provide for others.. (my team and the Chinese people).  Also, trying not to compare people and experiences, and learning to embrace everything that was new with open arms. Missions is all about the 'F' word... Flexibility.  

There were hard times, but would I do it over again?  Yes.  Would I change anything?  No! I learned a lot and met a lot of very neat people who I am still in contact with today.  God did good things that year, not only through me, but to me. I still have so much to learn about being a leader, but I know it comes with time.  If you can't get through the hard times, you don't deserve the good times.

fin.

Until the nets are full,

JFW

Missionary beginnings...

Not all of my entries are going to be intense thought provoking entries, although sometimes I really do try to not only make others think, but ask questions that really make me think.  In the past 4 years I have been on a personal up and down searching for my purpose and trying to figure out who God is and what exactly He wants from me. I got saved at a young age and grew up in a Christian home, which is a blessing but it can be a curse at the same time.  

Sometimes people grow so immune to a Religion that it dies to them or gets boring. The thing about Christianity is, it isn't a Religion, it is a Relationship... and no matter how much I heard it, I don't think I really ever fully understood it, and still to this day it is hard to imagine a personal loving God who saves His people from their sins through the death of His only son on a cross.  

For me, I got 'saved', waited a few years and then took the next step which is baptism and then I just really tried to be a good Christian, which to this day I find extremely impossible.  I got through High School with plenty of slips and mess ups along the way, and went to college, where I decided to sin a whole bunch.  After a little bit of that, I knew in my heart that it was the wrong place for me to be and I decided to transfer to a Christian University so that I could be in an atmosphere that encouraged the search for Christ.  This takes me to 4 years ago, my first semester at this new University.

Coming into the school I had some baggage with me (not physical) that I was in the process of throwing away for good. I just got out of a horrible relationship, and gave up drinking.  A week before I came, a good friend of my had died and so it was a tough first week.  I knew that I needed to fight for my relationship with the Lord and I knew it wasn't going to be easy... the bible says nothing about Christianity being easy... if anything, it says the opposite.  There will be trials and tribulations... but in everything, God is my refuge.  

After a few weeks at this school, surrounding myself with the right people (because believe me, there are definitely the wrong people to hang out with at Christian schools... or any school at that...), going to chapel and Church regularly... bible studies... other events... I was really trying to saturate myself with Christ in a way that I never had before.  Then the opportunity for a missions trip had come up.  I had always wanted to go on a missions trip before, and China has always been on my heart... mostly because of the History and the laws against Christianity.  I looked at the list and the ONLY trip that made sense to me, was China. So I signed up immediately, filled out an application and turned it in. 

I got interviewed and they let me on the team!  After some great team training, meetings... trying to learn the language... learning history, religious beliefs... we felt like we were ready to embrace a culture that none of us had experienced before! (Except for one of our team leaders who had been there before.) There were 10 of us on this team, with 3 team leaders.  We all grew to be close friends... We all, to this day, have a great love for each other... which is something that I thank God for every day... I met some of my best friends on that team.  

Anyway, China is a very different world from America, for those of you who don't know...  We got to China and it was like nothing I have ever seen in my life. Not like the movies or whatever else, but an experience of a lifetime that only first hand experience can explain.  The food, the squatty potties, the people, the history... all of it so wonderful.  One thing that blew me away was the people. I met so many interesting people with so many incredible stories. Some people who were Christians who have been in and out of prison 3 or 4 times and still read their bibles in public places... the attitude of, 'they can take my family, my bible, my home, my things and even my life, but they can never and will never be able to take away my Jesus.' One of the most beautiful things I have ever heard in my entire life.  The secret life of a believer in China is intense. Some other things that stick out in my mind are times I was able to hang out with some college students, my age (Chinese), and really get to know them on a personal level. Learning where they live, their likes and dislikes, what they want to be when they get out of college... So many things so intriguing.  I was able to not only share my testimony through that trip, but I was able to tell someone about Jesus Christ for the first time.  Not only did I tell him about Jesus, but I was able to go through the entire gospel message with him.  Let me tell you, God opens doors in so many ways at so many moments in your life, you just need to choose whether you are going to enter that door or not.  So this guy... the light that was shinning in his eyes when I told him of this extremely awesome man who had died for all man kind... it is a picture that will forever be embedded in my mind.  Experiences like this one, relationship building, teaching and learning... are all things that made the trip everything and so much more than I expected it to be. This was my first missions trip.

I still think about that first time and how I felt afterward.  It was this inward burning in my soul that cried out for the people in China and all the lost people in the world. Something inside of me wanted to go back... with everything that I am, a huge piece of me didn't want to leave any of it behind. I thought seriously of becoming a English teacher in China.  I thought about missions and what God wanted from me and then after school set in and I got busy, I kind of put that passion on the back burner.  Until the next year.  

That will be it for my first missions trip. Please ask questions or throw in some comments if you have any! God Bless you.

fin.

Until the nets are full,

JFW

Thinking it over...

The most confusing time in my life has been trying to figure out who I am, what I am all about and what on earth God put me here for.  Right now I plan on graduating University in December with a degree in Radio/Television News. I am a Theatre Arts minor.  In all actuality, I don't even like theatre anymore, and the thought of doing it after college seems so far out of reach... so I'd like to see what the Lord has for that one!  

Thinking it over... what do I want when I get out of school?  Marriage, yes... in fact, I am getting married a couple of weeks after I graduate.  Then there is totally factoring in her and where she is going to fit in the mix of things.  I know that sounds weird, but she is in school too, so I can't just make plans to do what I want and completely exclude my soon to be wife.  A marriage is a partnership where two people make life decisions together... so it would be wrong of me to exclude her.  Right? Yes.

My heart is in Missions work. I don't see myself being comfortable doing anything else with my life except serving the Lord overseas.  It is the only thing that, when I think about it, it feels completely right.  Im not saying that I don't feel right about getting married or stuff like that, but when I truly sit down and think about what I will DO for the rest of my life, I questions everything... I question working at a station here in America... I question working for a restaurant or working at a school... I question all these things... But when I think, 'Maybe I will teach English in China', or, 'Possibly I could be part of a large overseas missions organization,' or even, 'Maybe I can be a Christian Broadcaster overseas' (which would make sense, being a broadcasting major and all), that is the only time I feel comfort in my soul.  

Follow your heart.  I met with my advisor yesterday to figure out my last semester classes, which was not complicated at all... because it is basically the like 1 class left I need to graduate... Anyway, she was telling me of all these opportunities for broadcast work overseas with missions organizations and stuff... I don't know why I was so clueless to it before. Why did I not open my eyes to that? Is this what God has called for me?  'Lord, open my eyes so that I may see your will and not my own.'  So there it is I suppose.  A missionary.  It is the only thing that makes sense.  I know to many it makes no sense, but it is what I base my life upon.  Christ. My Savior and my Lord.  After my advisor prayed for me (did I mention I go to a Christian school?), I felt a calmness on my heart that I haven't felt for a while, other than the feeling I had when I was in Germany.  God is speaking, do you hear him? Listen.

fin.

Until the nets are full,

JFW

'My people are destroyed from lack of knowledge' -Hosea 4:6

It is SO easy to get caught up into religious bubbles of your certain beliefs, for me at least, with Christianity.  Lately I have realized that I know very little about other beliefs and other religions and it almost frightens me how little I know.  On top of that, is how little most people know about anything that doesn't pertain to them directly. Well, guess what people... if you think it doesn't have anything to do with you, chances are, you are wrong. How many people know anything about Islam? Buddhism? Hinduism? Catholicism? Christianity? (These are just a few of the MANY out there).  

For me, how am I able to communicate with a person if I know nothing of what they believe? How can I relate something I believe with someone who knows nothing about it if I know nothing about what they believe?  How ignorant have we become in this society to the people around us and their religions?  I feel terrified to think of all I don't know.

I ask you this then... Is it ok, has it become acceptable to be ignorant to religion?  I am not just talking about Christians or whatever, but everyone and every thing.  How do you know what you believe if you know nothing else? What is faith and how do you know that you have it? 

fin.

Until the nets are full,

JFW

My life's Journeys...

It is so hard to figure out what life is all about sometimes. What do you do, where do you go, what will you accomplish, where will your future lead you and what decisions will you make to get yourself there?  Are you doing what you were meant to do?  Sometimes I feel so lost in trying to figure out who I am and what on earth I am here on earth for.  I am a Christian who struggles every day to be the man that God wants me to be, and wont stop at anything to please the Lord. What am I here for?  

I am going to try to blog in here daily, my thoughts, hopes and dreams... and hopefully these things will be apparent on the way through.

Right now there are three directions I see my life possibly going in. I could work in the restaurant business with Chick-fil-A (I know it sounds corny, but it is an incredible company), I could become a broadcaster (I am a Radio/TV News major... it would makes sense for me to go into that field), or I can follow my heart and become a full time Missionary.  Nothing I think of doing feels as right as that. Everything else feels like I would be wasting my time and my energy... all of my talents... 

fin.

Until the Nets are Full,

JFW